[That's better, at least. The smell's oddly endearing and at least he's not gagging this time.]
Can't I just die normally? I don't want a fabulous death and I don't want a death by this stupid silver thing. Also that's a really gross comparison but it's not entirely wrong, I guess. …do I want to know how YOU contracted it? And I realize it but he's a little busy right now and probably won't contact you.
Point taken. Just. No more. I can't take it anymore. My brain's slowly leaking out of my ears.
I've never been that great at meditating. That was always more Tadashi's department and you know that playing hooky was kinda what got me in trouble in the first place. Disappearing, doing whatever I wanted just for me? Those were Bad Ideas. It's always been like that though whether it was bot-fighting or ghost-hunting. There were things I wanted to do for different reasons and they were things people disapproved of. I get what you're saying, but I'm not even allowed to go back to the Station yet. Besides, most of my friends (friends?) have been too busy with everything else to take time, too. Like I said I got one supervised field trip that was just for fun but only for a day. It was nice though. I'll figure something out, even if it's just getting a good night's sleep for once.
Funny. Most likely they're glad to be able to redirect their attentions to the more important things instead of whether I'm going to get myself killed or not. There's…a lot going on. Big things. Bad things. I found out I was kind of a hinderance to the bigger picture and so I'm stopping that.
I know, I know. I know you're right and I know these are my choices. They just told me I'm not good at making the right choices and that I'm not good at putting my ideas together without risking my neck which maybe that's true. I know that for every action there's an opposite reaction, but this place makes it a lot harder to predict what that reaction's gonna be.
She's not nearly as scary as the High Queen, to be honest. They're both scary, but…there are important things they've both said that make sense. I can't tell you what they are in case this letter falls in the wrong hands, but believe me on that. And I'm moving forward but I'm still making those "mistakes" by continuing this thing with Juliet. Like I said, bad but wonderful mistakes. I don't know what his breaking point is (or yours, for that matter.) That's a great thing to say and I believe that, but that doesn't solve the fact that we don't know what it'll take before the people on that side stop feeling the same way they did before.
Also shut up. …but he IS really smart. And just…really good.
I think I need to go back to the start and revert back to what I was. Scientist first, then a hero. I need to go back to collecting the data and start asking more questions about the world instead of trying to bite into as much as I can. What happens if I question the wrong thing at the wrong time and lose everybody though? What about then, Joshua?
Considering the fact that I'm not entirely good at being a decent friend, I'm not gonna answer that. …a friend of mine wasn't able to help another friend of ours because he was too busy chasing after me when I made a stupid mistake. I've broken the trust in some of my friends. Other friends have disappeared. What's heroic about that? Tell me that. I know what you're saying and I appreciate the thought…but if you're framing it that way? I think you're more heroic than I am right now. You're the only one who really knows any of this. The negative stuff. You're the only one who really knows because I know you're not going to be mad I'm bringing it up.
And it's more like it's what makes LIFE simultaneously invigorating and frustrating. But your suggestions are kind of also appreciated. Really.
Until then, I guess.
PS: it's all over my sheets. And my hair. Never. Again.
You're Hiro Hamada. I don't think "normal" applies, do you? As for the how, well, let's just say that I had a poorly timed nightly venture with someone high up on the food chain. A shame, too, since it was lovely up until I found out I got it from that same person.
Perhaps make those supervised field trips a treat for every now and then. A little congratulations for having (somewhat) good behavior.
You find predicting the reaction harder because you haven't had much experience with it before coming here. You don't know how people work or the myriad ways they can react to something you do. It's like playing a political game, but you have no idea what the rules or the goal of the game is.
Unity against a common enemy is one way, but the prejudice will remain. Only time and careful diplomacy can bring about any sort of peace. However, that may be nothing more than a pipe dream, considering how long this war has been going on. As for my breaking point, you've not once come anywhere near it in the year we've known each other.
See? The perfect casting of Juliet Capulet.
Finally, you start playing to your strengths. As for that possibility, and as sappy as this is going to sound, I rather doubt you'll lose me at this point. I believe we've invested too much time and energy into keeping contact with each other even now to give it up so easily. However, if the whole world turns against you in the space of a single moment, then you will have to figure that out for yourself. Nobody is ever truly prepared for it until they're faced with it.
I would give a gentle reprimand on how that friend of yours most likely wouldn't have been able to help even if he had been there, especially if the person he wanted to help was someone high up on the political ladder. I would go so far as to say it's irresponsible to put the blame on you in that case. You should perhaps ask yourself: what truly makes a good or bad friend? Is a good friend loyal to the very end? Does it make you a bad friend if you let them know that their habits are self-destructive?
Well, there's no use in getting mad about it when we can be more productive with our time.
I assure you that I would make a very disappointing hero. Truly, I don't recommend keeping that notion or you may regret it.
PS: Ah, and one more thing. Since I finally have contact with an Unseelie member, I do have a teensy little request. I would like to know if you come across any information on a fiery haired vixen who's been rather vexing in our lives. I'm severing my ties with her, but it's proving to be pretty difficult when I don't have a whole lot to go on.
…probably not. Nothing about this is normal. Nothing about home was really normal either, so I guess I can't deny that. ALSO STOPSTOPSTOP. Just. Stop. I don't need to know about your nightly ventures with anybody.
Having to be on a reward system makes me feel like I'm five. I haven't been kept on this tight of a leash since about then either. It's weird. I get why they're doing this and everything but it still kinda makes me feel like I'm some little kid who doesn't know what he's doing. I got denied a Station visit, maybe I'll work up to that.
Yes. No. I mean I don't know, it's not that I don't know how people work. I get how people kinda work enough to fill in the pieces but I've never been that great with politics. I believe in certain things way too much to ever be a proper diplomat. I'm not saying that all prejudice should disappear only because I know that's not logical. We're at war. Nothing about that is even remotely logical but…the people I've spoken to about obtaining peace? I don't know if that's the right way either. I don't know what the right way for anything else but I DO know I'd like to get out of this with as few causalities as possible. Even the neutral route will kill people. Maybe it's a pipe dream but I can build anything, can't I? I'm kind of impressed you have that high of a bar, but then again considering who you are and the game you play maybe that's NOT that surprising.
I'm going to tell him you said that just to see how he reacts.
Only took me a year, huh? Let's see if they're still my strengths. You're right though that's totally sappy…but I'm glad to hear it. I don't really invest this much time into people so it'd kinda suck to hear it's not reciprocated. I'm hoping it doesn't come to that. I've been still and keeping my head down for over a month. I can't think of how the world will turn against me yet.
You know exactly what I'm talking about, don't you. Is it really irresponsible, or is it forcing me to own up to my own mistakes? I don't think it was entirely my fault either, but I definitely didn't help. And anyway, I'm pretty sure a good friend is just someone who continues sticking with you through the good and the bad, right? Even if it's just to knock you out of self-destruction. I tend to cause more destruction than construction lately though.
But you're right. There's a lot more productive ways to use our time.
I don't know, Josh. I could see you with a cape saving the world one riddle at a time. No, I take that back, that's kind of terrifying. I've got other notions about you anyway. Maybe I'll share sometime.
PS: …huh. Fiery-haired vixen? I only know of two people with fire-red hair and I'm not turning either of them in, so if you want my help you're gonna have to be a little more convincing than that.
[Ah well. Too bad he doesn't know enough about her to pinpoint her immediately.]
In this world, you are a little kid who knows nothing. You struggle to adapt to the environment. How can you not when you're so driven by technology? You spent your whole life building new and amazing things with advanced technology, and now you're essentially starting at square one in the world of science and engineering. How fascinating that you appear to keep going back to this struggle. Oh, and not to mention the frustration of not being able to fix what's broken.
You'll find out. What you lack in finesse you make up for in reckless curiosity.
I also note that you don't put as much trust into people. I believe not thinking about the world turning against you is a healthy reaction, for once. Bravo.
Hard not to miss the excitement on your end. Let me be frank: if he'd been able to see into the future and know that she would have been attacked, would he have gone after you or would he have let you make your mistakes and stayed with her? Also, because she's so high up in the political and social ladder, would she not have guards stationed everywhere paid to keep her safe? Did he know that they had power like that? If he'd known it would happen, then wouldn't he have suffered the same fate? We have no idea how many people they can effect all at once. We know that it's at least four. What if these people have the power to control hundreds?
However, he was also in crisis, so whatever he snapped at you should be taken with a grain of salt.
Then tell me how you're not a good friend since you do tend to stick to people through good and bad, even if you can't physically do so?
Let me ask you this: if I decided that the only way to save a whole city was to kill myself, then is that considered heroic of me when you take into consideration my true nature?
Also, unless it's a magical girl outfit, then I want nothing to do with it. That would look better on me than tights.
PS: I'm pretty sure neither of them are the one I'm thinking of. I rather doubt that they'd have any paternal relation to what I would call a kitsune, and not of the zenko or benevolent sort, either. I would say he was more of the yako classification.
That doesn’t make me a little kid, Joshua, and you know it. I’m NOT a kid. I’m…not. I just haven’t figured out how to make everything work yet but that doesn’t mean I’m actually still a kid. I’ll figure it out. In “reckless curiosity” or whatever.
…like you’re one to talk. You don’t trust people very much either, you know. I’m trying to get better about it at least. I don’t care if that’s a sarcastic bravo, I’m taking it.
I don’t know, that’s something you’d have to ask him. And you’re not GOING to, got it? Just…leave it alone. What’s done is done. So what are you saying, that there’s literally nothing we could have done? There had to have been something to lessen the damage, especially since it wasn’t just her that was effected. We need to learn more about these people. That’s my next goal even though everybody told me to back down. I’m not letting them do this alone.
I take most things he says with a grain of salt these days. I know better.
And that’s why I’m not a good friend. I know better, or I think I do. I make things worse for people. I agitate them and make them worry about me instead of focusing on the big issues and even if I stick with people through good and bad there are probably cases I should back off and I don’t because I’m stubborn. I don’t know if it’s true but…I don’t know. Haven’t you ever had times where you wonder if people actually like you or if you’re just an obligation to them?
…well in your case, wouldn’t killing yourself destroy the city anyway? How would that save it? But if it was the only option…maybe. You’d be doing what was right, wouldn’t you?
…just stop talking. The last thing I need to do is imagine you as a magical girl or a senshii or anything.
PS: …ah. I don’t know a lot about her, but…I can see what I can find out. Okay?
You're 16, Hiro. In-between child and adult, yes, but you've been leaning more to child than adult. You wish to prove your maturity, but by doing so you prove your immaturity.
I trust others in the way that matters most. It's simply a matter of work to gain more than that simple courtesy.
I'm not going to talk to him about it unless it gets brought up, I assure you. You only say that there "might have been a way" only now that the thing has happened. It was an infiltration mission, Hiro, and one that was pulled off nearly seamlessly. They're professionals and unless you had an inside man to feed you information on their moves, then I'm sad to say that there was absolutely nothing more you could've done for her. All anyone else could have done was join in almost getting themselves killed, if not actually dying. I'm keeping my own wits about me to see if I can dig up anything more about these people. They've yet to attack our side, but that may only be because yours is a much easier target.
[This next bit is the reason for Joshua's slight delay. He's reminded of when he'd been younger and having that same question directed to everyone around him, even Sanae and his own parents. Yet, he'd been so desperate for a friend that believed he wasn't just seeing things and could help him understand what was going on...he just didn't have room for those doubts after a while.
And now, after a year away from people he knows closely? Now that he can only reflect on his past whenever he thinks about them? Joshua does wonder if perhaps his friendship with Sanae has been becoming more of an obligation on his side. He has doubts and fears, but he doesn't want to give life to those thoughts. It'll hurt too much to have them confirmed, to know for sure that his closest friend had been the one who wanted him dead.
It's only after he's able to combat these thoughts and feelings that he puts pen to paper again.]
I saw things that most people didn't see when I was alive. Of course I had those doubts when I was younger. They got dispelled as I grew older and still retained a close friendship with the one person who saw what I did and knew what it meant. The bonds we have are constantly tested by time and circumstance. You'll never truly know their thoughts even if you were a telepath.
Is it right to destroy a whole district's way of life even if it meant saving Tokyo from being poisoned?
Don't knock it 'til you try it. The girls' uniforms usually had better protective abilities than the boys' in my world.
PS: Much appreciated. I can do the same on my end.
[Not even going to correct you, J. Thank you for making him feel older than he is.]
Okay then ye old wise one, how do I prove my maturity without being immature?
And what way is that anyway? Isn’t there really only one real way to trust somebody?
What else do you know about this, Joshua? What else do you know about how they executed this and planned everything? Our side isn’t the easier target, we just have stronger people to knock out. There’s a difference.
Anything you find out, you’ve gotta let me know. We need to be working together on this case. I need to report back to our people and make sure we’re all protected.
…I remember you told me about this, sort of. What if those doubts never go away though? What do you do then? What if those bonds fail the test? Maybe you don’t have those answers and that’s okay, but…it’s something I’m thinking about a lot. Maybe I should ask the monarchs to gift me with telepathy so I stand a chance of understanding people anyway.
Dunno. Is it right to let the Void destroy this world and all of our worlds if it means a chance of new life? Think about it.
Yet another thing that you have to find out for yourself. Just don't be so impatient to be treated as an adult before you're truly ready for it.
I believe I spoke of it in our conversation in April. There are different ways you can trust a person, and my trust does not always mean my friendship. However you trust someone, it's as real as any other emotion associated with them.
Only what everyone else knows about it. Shard magic was used and that it was a certain Cult's doing. I assume infiltration based on how she'd reacted and in the fact that she's well guarded. How could it not be infiltration? Based on the fact that these people can look like anyone they come into contact with, I would guess that her attacker was planted in the heart of her defenses without anyone even lifting an eyebrow in suspicion.
Also, you're mistaken on that front. Your side is the weakest because of one very, very important element that chaos is so fond of. Your freedom. You work in independent groups. You thrive off of being independent and doing your own thing. Backstabbing is more generally accepted and understood. Not to mention the fact that it's so very easy to take what your court stands for and twist it into something that can invoke the wrath of the other court as well as everyone else. My court has been working as a solid team and encouraged to do so. Think tactically: would you target the side that works as a single unit or the one that's already divided?
I'm in agreement on this. The Cult is a problem to all of us, not just Shardbearers.
Then I would re-evaluate why you're in such a relationship. Doubt can be a healthy thing in small doses, but constant doubt is a warning sign. It means you don't fully trust that person, and you'll need to figure out the heart of why that is so. If those bonds fail the test, then make new ones. Not all friendships last forever. Sometimes, friends drift apart and never speak to each other again. But people always find a way to forge new bonds, sometimes stronger than what they used to have.
Even with telepathy, you'll never understand them. You'll never understand why they think that way or the true context of those thoughts. It's simply because you never experienced what they did or you experienced the same thing in a different way.
I don't need to. I know what I would do. Even I know that my judgment can be flawed, and so I give chances to have my mind changed.
[...He's never really been thanked before and he doesn't actually know how to respond to it. Perhaps Joshua's getting too close, too tied to this kid.]
I have this feeling that the face you'd make if you told me this in person would be priceless.
Being a kid in this war makes me a liability for everybody else here. I don’t want that anymore. I just want to make things right, whatever that really means.
I know you did but that doesn’t mean I understand it any better now than I did then. How can you trust somebody without giving them your friendship? Isn’t that sort of an important part of it? I don’t think I could trust people I don’t consider a friend, even if it’s only a little bit of trust. Do you trust your enemies then? Have you ever done that?
…goes back to not being able to trust people that aren’t our friends. Infiltration only happened because we still let our guard down just a little bit. We’re taking precautions now to make sure this isn’t gonna happen ever again. Ways to make sure we can tell who’s who.
And our freedom isn’t destroying us.
[And yet he has a conversation with Jason that’s very similar to this later. Imagine that.]
The people I care about work as a team and we don’t isolate ourselves. And you know what? Just because your court’s working as a solid team doesn’t mean that you guys are any safer than we are. Didn’t your king just get killed? This isn’t about backstabbing or weak points. We’re ALL targets now. The problem is we can’t figure out what the pattern is yet and who’s really undermining who.
But until people start focusing on the Cult instead, we’re gonna get nowhere.
…that would mean probably re-evaluating my relationships with every single person I know. Maybe I’m scared of what I’ll find out. Who knows? I was just curious, it’s not a big deal. There a joke in here about atoms and covalent bonds, but I’m going to skip it and save what’s left of my reputation with you.
Like I said, at least I’d stand a chance though. That’s better than not arming myself at all, don’t you think?
…you’re better than some then. I’m gonna take that as a challenge to try and change your mind then. It’ll be fun, give me something to do. Knowing you, you won’t make it easy anyway.
You’re hilarious. Forget it. Just…keep all of that in mind. For whatever.
Take small steps instead of large leaps. I know patience doesn't come easily to you, but it's necessary.
Not really. You can be friends with someone but not trust them. Just as you can trust someone without being their friend. As for my enemies, the trust gets taken away if they'd earned it and not given at all if they're my enemy from the start.
It'll happen again. Until we have ways to defend ourselves against that kind of attack, even the best precautions can be cracked given time. However, it's something to help, and I can't deny that. I just want you aware that it's not going to be 100% effective for the long run.
Hiro, Hiro, I'm not saying that your freedom, your individuality, or your side as a whole is bad or wrong for doing what they do best. Don't get so defensive and start looking at it tactically. Your side is divided into tight-knit groups. Sure, you may come together for a common cause, but when that's all said and done? You'll go right back to your own little world within your groups. When you plan an attack, you go for the fort that's easier to isolate and sabotage.
Here's another thing to think about: that little attack your side led with the Dullahan? I would bet quite a bit of gold on the probability of the Cult having spies there to observe the fight. Analyzing the weaknesses of my side's defenses as well as how your side works in a fight. The results of that battle will likely have a great deal of bearing on their next target.
Be afraid, then. I'm sure it's just a passing thought to you. After all, why else would you bring it up with me?
Be careful what you wish for. You just might get it.
Somehow, I don't think you have a clue of what you're talking about. ♥ My mind was made up and then changed. Right now, I still haven't made up my mind. There's too little information for me to make an informed and fair decision.
Yeah, I’ve heard. I’m working on it though…promise.
That doesn’t sound like a very healthy friendship dude. Actually neither of those sound very healthy for anybody and I stand by they’re mutually exclusive.
What ways, Joshua? What ways can we really build to defend ourselves against this kind of thing? Answer that and then I’ll agree with you. With the way you make it sound NOTHING is going to be 100% effective for the long run.
…sorry, I guess. Things are just getting out of control again. I still don’t see why we can’t keep our tight-knit groups when we usually band together for the greater cause at the end of the day. Isn’t that the more important part? Have people constantly working on different goals to mindmeld later?
You really think so huh? That…wouldn’t surprise me, considering how easily they can blend in among us. What do you think it means then? Who’s next? If they pinpoint all of the weaknesses of the Seelie court it makes sense for it to be you guys, unless they’re stupid enough to attack us again while we’re reorganizing.
…we’re doomed if we don’t do something, aren’t we.
I’m never gonna be a telepath and you know it. Quit messing around. [He sure did just bypass the fact that he’s scared of anything.]
I know what I’m talking about enough to keep me alive still. Isn’t that the important part? Think about it.
Speaking of keeping myself alive…in the interest of keeping BOTH of us alive we should probably cut this short. Contact me if anything else comes up.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
6/10, rune-sealed letter
Can't I just die normally? I don't want a fabulous death and I don't want a death by this stupid silver thing. Also that's a really gross comparison but it's not entirely wrong, I guess. …do I want to know how YOU contracted it? And I realize it but he's a little busy right now and probably won't contact you.
Point taken. Just. No more. I can't take it anymore. My brain's slowly leaking out of my ears.
I've never been that great at meditating. That was always more Tadashi's department and you know that playing hooky was kinda what got me in trouble in the first place. Disappearing, doing whatever I wanted just for me? Those were Bad Ideas. It's always been like that though whether it was bot-fighting or ghost-hunting. There were things I wanted to do for different reasons and they were things people disapproved of. I get what you're saying, but I'm not even allowed to go back to the Station yet. Besides, most of my friends (friends?) have been too busy with everything else to take time, too. Like I said I got one supervised field trip that was just for fun but only for a day. It was nice though. I'll figure something out, even if it's just getting a good night's sleep for once.
Funny. Most likely they're glad to be able to redirect their attentions to the more important things instead of whether I'm going to get myself killed or not. There's…a lot going on. Big things. Bad things. I found out I was kind of a hinderance to the bigger picture and so I'm stopping that.
I know, I know. I know you're right and I know these are my choices. They just told me I'm not good at making the right choices and that I'm not good at putting my ideas together without risking my neck which maybe that's true. I know that for every action there's an opposite reaction, but this place makes it a lot harder to predict what that reaction's gonna be.
She's not nearly as scary as the High Queen, to be honest. They're both scary, but…there are important things they've both said that make sense. I can't tell you what they are in case this letter falls in the wrong hands, but believe me on that. And I'm moving forward but I'm still making those "mistakes" by continuing this thing with Juliet. Like I said, bad but wonderful mistakes. I don't know what his breaking point is (or yours, for that matter.) That's a great thing to say and I believe that, but that doesn't solve the fact that we don't know what it'll take before the people on that side stop feeling the same way they did before.
Also shut up. …but he IS really smart. And just…really good.
I think I need to go back to the start and revert back to what I was. Scientist first, then a hero. I need to go back to collecting the data and start asking more questions about the world instead of trying to bite into as much as I can. What happens if I question the wrong thing at the wrong time and lose everybody though? What about then, Joshua?
Considering the fact that I'm not entirely good at being a decent friend, I'm not gonna answer that. …a friend of mine wasn't able to help another friend of ours because he was too busy chasing after me when I made a stupid mistake. I've broken the trust in some of my friends. Other friends have disappeared. What's heroic about that? Tell me that. I know what you're saying and I appreciate the thought…but if you're framing it that way? I think you're more heroic than I am right now. You're the only one who really knows any of this. The negative stuff. You're the only one who really knows because I know you're not going to be mad I'm bringing it up.
And it's more like it's what makes LIFE simultaneously invigorating and frustrating. But your suggestions are kind of also appreciated. Really.
Until then, I guess.
PS: it's all over my sheets. And my hair. Never. Again.
6/10, rune-sealed letter
Perhaps make those supervised field trips a treat for every now and then. A little congratulations for having (somewhat) good behavior.
You find predicting the reaction harder because you haven't had much experience with it before coming here. You don't know how people work or the myriad ways they can react to something you do. It's like playing a political game, but you have no idea what the rules or the goal of the game is.
Unity against a common enemy is one way, but the prejudice will remain. Only time and careful diplomacy can bring about any sort of peace. However, that may be nothing more than a pipe dream, considering how long this war has been going on. As for my breaking point, you've not once come anywhere near it in the year we've known each other.
See? The perfect casting of Juliet Capulet.
Finally, you start playing to your strengths. As for that possibility, and as sappy as this is going to sound, I rather doubt you'll lose me at this point. I believe we've invested too much time and energy into keeping contact with each other even now to give it up so easily. However, if the whole world turns against you in the space of a single moment, then you will have to figure that out for yourself. Nobody is ever truly prepared for it until they're faced with it.
I would give a gentle reprimand on how that friend of yours most likely wouldn't have been able to help even if he had been there, especially if the person he wanted to help was someone high up on the political ladder. I would go so far as to say it's irresponsible to put the blame on you in that case. You should perhaps ask yourself: what truly makes a good or bad friend? Is a good friend loyal to the very end? Does it make you a bad friend if you let them know that their habits are self-destructive?
Well, there's no use in getting mad about it when we can be more productive with our time.
I assure you that I would make a very disappointing hero. Truly, I don't recommend keeping that notion or you may regret it.
PS: Ah, and one more thing. Since I finally have contact with an Unseelie member, I do have a teensy little request. I would like to know if you come across any information on a fiery haired vixen who's been rather vexing in our lives. I'm severing my ties with her, but it's proving to be pretty difficult when I don't have a whole lot to go on.
[Ah, yes, wonderful code right there.]
6/10, rune-sealed letter
Having to be on a reward system makes me feel like I'm five. I haven't been kept on this tight of a leash since about then either. It's weird. I get why they're doing this and everything but it still kinda makes me feel like I'm some little kid who doesn't know what he's doing. I got denied a Station visit, maybe I'll work up to that.
Yes. No. I mean I don't know, it's not that I don't know how people work. I get how people kinda work enough to fill in the pieces but I've never been that great with politics. I believe in certain things way too much to ever be a proper diplomat. I'm not saying that all prejudice should disappear only because I know that's not logical. We're at war. Nothing about that is even remotely logical but…the people I've spoken to about obtaining peace? I don't know if that's the right way either. I don't know what the right way for anything else but I DO know I'd like to get out of this with as few causalities as possible. Even the neutral route will kill people. Maybe it's a pipe dream but I can build anything, can't I? I'm kind of impressed you have that high of a bar, but then again considering who you are and the game you play maybe that's NOT that surprising.
I'm going to tell him you said that just to see how he reacts.
Only took me a year, huh? Let's see if they're still my strengths. You're right though that's totally sappy…but I'm glad to hear it. I don't really invest this much time into people so it'd kinda suck to hear it's not reciprocated. I'm hoping it doesn't come to that. I've been still and keeping my head down for over a month. I can't think of how the world will turn against me yet.
You know exactly what I'm talking about, don't you. Is it really irresponsible, or is it forcing me to own up to my own mistakes? I don't think it was entirely my fault either, but I definitely didn't help. And anyway, I'm pretty sure a good friend is just someone who continues sticking with you through the good and the bad, right? Even if it's just to knock you out of self-destruction. I tend to cause more destruction than construction lately though.
But you're right. There's a lot more productive ways to use our time.
I don't know, Josh. I could see you with a cape saving the world one riddle at a time. No, I take that back, that's kind of terrifying. I've got other notions about you anyway. Maybe I'll share sometime.
PS: …huh. Fiery-haired vixen? I only know of two people with fire-red hair and I'm not turning either of them in, so if you want my help you're gonna have to be a little more convincing than that.
[Ah well. Too bad he doesn't know enough about her to pinpoint her immediately.]
6/10, rune-sealed letter
You'll find out. What you lack in finesse you make up for in reckless curiosity.
I also note that you don't put as much trust into people. I believe not thinking about the world turning against you is a healthy reaction, for once. Bravo.
Hard not to miss the excitement on your end. Let me be frank: if he'd been able to see into the future and know that she would have been attacked, would he have gone after you or would he have let you make your mistakes and stayed with her? Also, because she's so high up in the political and social ladder, would she not have guards stationed everywhere paid to keep her safe? Did he know that they had power like that? If he'd known it would happen, then wouldn't he have suffered the same fate? We have no idea how many people they can effect all at once. We know that it's at least four. What if these people have the power to control hundreds?
However, he was also in crisis, so whatever he snapped at you should be taken with a grain of salt.
Then tell me how you're not a good friend since you do tend to stick to people through good and bad, even if you can't physically do so?
Let me ask you this: if I decided that the only way to save a whole city was to kill myself, then is that considered heroic of me when you take into consideration my true nature?
Also, unless it's a magical girl outfit, then I want nothing to do with it. That would look better on me than tights.
PS: I'm pretty sure neither of them are the one I'm thinking of. I rather doubt that they'd have any paternal relation to what I would call a kitsune, and not of the zenko or benevolent sort, either. I would say he was more of the yako classification.
6/10, rune-sealed letter
…like you’re one to talk. You don’t trust people very much either, you know. I’m trying to get better about it at least. I don’t care if that’s a sarcastic bravo, I’m taking it.
I don’t know, that’s something you’d have to ask him. And you’re not GOING to, got it? Just…leave it alone. What’s done is done. So what are you saying, that there’s literally nothing we could have done? There had to have been something to lessen the damage, especially since it wasn’t just her that was effected. We need to learn more about these people. That’s my next goal even though everybody told me to back down. I’m not letting them do this alone.
I take most things he says with a grain of salt these days. I know better.
And that’s why I’m not a good friend. I know better, or I think I do. I make things worse for people. I agitate them and make them worry about me instead of focusing on the big issues and even if I stick with people through good and bad there are probably cases I should back off and I don’t because I’m stubborn. I don’t know if it’s true but…I don’t know. Haven’t you ever had times where you wonder if people actually like you or if you’re just an obligation to them?
…well in your case, wouldn’t killing yourself destroy the city anyway? How would that save it? But if it was the only option…maybe. You’d be doing what was right, wouldn’t you?
…just stop talking. The last thing I need to do is imagine you as a magical girl or a senshii or anything.
PS: …ah. I don’t know a lot about her, but…I can see what I can find out. Okay?
6/10, rune-sealed letter
I trust others in the way that matters most. It's simply a matter of work to gain more than that simple courtesy.
I'm not going to talk to him about it unless it gets brought up, I assure you. You only say that there "might have been a way" only now that the thing has happened. It was an infiltration mission, Hiro, and one that was pulled off nearly seamlessly. They're professionals and unless you had an inside man to feed you information on their moves, then I'm sad to say that there was absolutely nothing more you could've done for her. All anyone else could have done was join in almost getting themselves killed, if not actually dying. I'm keeping my own wits about me to see if I can dig up anything more about these people. They've yet to attack our side, but that may only be because yours is a much easier target.
[This next bit is the reason for Joshua's slight delay. He's reminded of when he'd been younger and having that same question directed to everyone around him, even Sanae and his own parents. Yet, he'd been so desperate for a friend that believed he wasn't just seeing things and could help him understand what was going on...he just didn't have room for those doubts after a while.
And now, after a year away from people he knows closely? Now that he can only reflect on his past whenever he thinks about them? Joshua does wonder if perhaps his friendship with Sanae has been becoming more of an obligation on his side. He has doubts and fears, but he doesn't want to give life to those thoughts. It'll hurt too much to have them confirmed, to know for sure that his closest friend had been the one who wanted him dead.
It's only after he's able to combat these thoughts and feelings that he puts pen to paper again.]
I saw things that most people didn't see when I was alive. Of course I had those doubts when I was younger. They got dispelled as I grew older and still retained a close friendship with the one person who saw what I did and knew what it meant. The bonds we have are constantly tested by time and circumstance. You'll never truly know their thoughts even if you were a telepath.
Is it right to destroy a whole district's way of life even if it meant saving Tokyo from being poisoned?
Don't knock it 'til you try it. The girls' uniforms usually had better protective abilities than the boys' in my world.
PS: Much appreciated. I can do the same on my end.
6/10, rune-sealed letter
Okay then ye old wise one, how do I prove my maturity without being immature?
And what way is that anyway? Isn’t there really only one real way to trust somebody?
What else do you know about this, Joshua? What else do you know about how they executed this and planned everything? Our side isn’t the easier target, we just have stronger people to knock out. There’s a difference.
Anything you find out, you’ve gotta let me know. We need to be working together on this case. I need to report back to our people and make sure we’re all protected.
…I remember you told me about this, sort of. What if those doubts never go away though? What do you do then? What if those bonds fail the test? Maybe you don’t have those answers and that’s okay, but…it’s something I’m thinking about a lot. Maybe I should ask the monarchs to gift me with telepathy so I stand a chance of understanding people anyway.
Dunno. Is it right to let the Void destroy this world and all of our worlds if it means a chance of new life? Think about it.
...thank you for everything though. I mean it.
PS: I AM NEVER WEARING A GIRLS' UNIFORM.
6/10, rune-sealed letter
I believe I spoke of it in our conversation in April. There are different ways you can trust a person, and my trust does not always mean my friendship. However you trust someone, it's as real as any other emotion associated with them.
Only what everyone else knows about it. Shard magic was used and that it was a certain Cult's doing. I assume infiltration based on how she'd reacted and in the fact that she's well guarded. How could it not be infiltration? Based on the fact that these people can look like anyone they come into contact with, I would guess that her attacker was planted in the heart of her defenses without anyone even lifting an eyebrow in suspicion.
Also, you're mistaken on that front. Your side is the weakest because of one very, very important element that chaos is so fond of. Your freedom. You work in independent groups. You thrive off of being independent and doing your own thing. Backstabbing is more generally accepted and understood. Not to mention the fact that it's so very easy to take what your court stands for and twist it into something that can invoke the wrath of the other court as well as everyone else. My court has been working as a solid team and encouraged to do so. Think tactically: would you target the side that works as a single unit or the one that's already divided?
I'm in agreement on this. The Cult is a problem to all of us, not just Shardbearers.
Then I would re-evaluate why you're in such a relationship. Doubt can be a healthy thing in small doses, but constant doubt is a warning sign. It means you don't fully trust that person, and you'll need to figure out the heart of why that is so. If those bonds fail the test, then make new ones. Not all friendships last forever. Sometimes, friends drift apart and never speak to each other again. But people always find a way to forge new bonds, sometimes stronger than what they used to have.
Even with telepathy, you'll never understand them. You'll never understand why they think that way or the true context of those thoughts. It's simply because you never experienced what they did or you experienced the same thing in a different way.
I don't need to. I know what I would do. Even I know that my judgment can be flawed, and so I give chances to have my mind changed.
[...He's never really been thanked before and he doesn't actually know how to respond to it. Perhaps Joshua's getting too close, too tied to this kid.]
I have this feeling that the face you'd make if you told me this in person would be priceless.
[Hey, Neku logic has been working so far.]
6/10, rune-sealed letter
I know you did but that doesn’t mean I understand it any better now than I did then. How can you trust somebody without giving them your friendship? Isn’t that sort of an important part of it? I don’t think I could trust people I don’t consider a friend, even if it’s only a little bit of trust. Do you trust your enemies then? Have you ever done that?
…goes back to not being able to trust people that aren’t our friends. Infiltration only happened because we still let our guard down just a little bit. We’re taking precautions now to make sure this isn’t gonna happen ever again. Ways to make sure we can tell who’s who.
And our freedom isn’t destroying us.
[And yet he has a conversation with Jason that’s very similar to this later. Imagine that.]
The people I care about work as a team and we don’t isolate ourselves. And you know what? Just because your court’s working as a solid team doesn’t mean that you guys are any safer than we are. Didn’t your king just get killed? This isn’t about backstabbing or weak points. We’re ALL targets now. The problem is we can’t figure out what the pattern is yet and who’s really undermining who.
But until people start focusing on the Cult instead, we’re gonna get nowhere.
…that would mean probably re-evaluating my relationships with every single person I know. Maybe I’m scared of what I’ll find out. Who knows? I was just curious, it’s not a big deal. There a joke in here about atoms and covalent bonds, but I’m going to skip it and save what’s left of my reputation with you.
Like I said, at least I’d stand a chance though. That’s better than not arming myself at all, don’t you think?
…you’re better than some then. I’m gonna take that as a challenge to try and change your mind then. It’ll be fun, give me something to do. Knowing you, you won’t make it easy anyway.
You’re hilarious. Forget it. Just…keep all of that in mind. For whatever.
6/10, rune-sealed letter
Not really. You can be friends with someone but not trust them. Just as you can trust someone without being their friend. As for my enemies, the trust gets taken away if they'd earned it and not given at all if they're my enemy from the start.
It'll happen again. Until we have ways to defend ourselves against that kind of attack, even the best precautions can be cracked given time. However, it's something to help, and I can't deny that. I just want you aware that it's not going to be 100% effective for the long run.
Hiro, Hiro, I'm not saying that your freedom, your individuality, or your side as a whole is bad or wrong for doing what they do best. Don't get so defensive and start looking at it tactically. Your side is divided into tight-knit groups. Sure, you may come together for a common cause, but when that's all said and done? You'll go right back to your own little world within your groups. When you plan an attack, you go for the fort that's easier to isolate and sabotage.
Here's another thing to think about: that little attack your side led with the Dullahan? I would bet quite a bit of gold on the probability of the Cult having spies there to observe the fight. Analyzing the weaknesses of my side's defenses as well as how your side works in a fight. The results of that battle will likely have a great deal of bearing on their next target.
Be afraid, then. I'm sure it's just a passing thought to you. After all, why else would you bring it up with me?
Be careful what you wish for. You just might get it.
Somehow, I don't think you have a clue of what you're talking about. ♥ My mind was made up and then changed. Right now, I still haven't made up my mind. There's too little information for me to make an informed and fair decision.
6/10, rune-sealed letter
That doesn’t sound like a very healthy friendship dude. Actually neither of those sound very healthy for anybody and I stand by they’re mutually exclusive.
What ways, Joshua? What ways can we really build to defend ourselves against this kind of thing? Answer that and then I’ll agree with you. With the way you make it sound NOTHING is going to be 100% effective for the long run.
…sorry, I guess. Things are just getting out of control again. I still don’t see why we can’t keep our tight-knit groups when we usually band together for the greater cause at the end of the day. Isn’t that the more important part? Have people constantly working on different goals to mindmeld later?
You really think so huh? That…wouldn’t surprise me, considering how easily they can blend in among us. What do you think it means then? Who’s next? If they pinpoint all of the weaknesses of the Seelie court it makes sense for it to be you guys, unless they’re stupid enough to attack us again while we’re reorganizing.
…we’re doomed if we don’t do something, aren’t we.
I’m never gonna be a telepath and you know it. Quit messing around. [He sure did just bypass the fact that he’s scared of anything.]
I know what I’m talking about enough to keep me alive still. Isn’t that the important part? Think about it.
Speaking of keeping myself alive…in the interest of keeping BOTH of us alive we should probably cut this short. Contact me if anything else comes up.
And stop sending me hearts.