[That's better, at least. The smell's oddly endearing and at least he's not gagging this time.]
Can't I just die normally? I don't want a fabulous death and I don't want a death by this stupid silver thing. Also that's a really gross comparison but it's not entirely wrong, I guess. …do I want to know how YOU contracted it? And I realize it but he's a little busy right now and probably won't contact you.
Point taken. Just. No more. I can't take it anymore. My brain's slowly leaking out of my ears.
I've never been that great at meditating. That was always more Tadashi's department and you know that playing hooky was kinda what got me in trouble in the first place. Disappearing, doing whatever I wanted just for me? Those were Bad Ideas. It's always been like that though whether it was bot-fighting or ghost-hunting. There were things I wanted to do for different reasons and they were things people disapproved of. I get what you're saying, but I'm not even allowed to go back to the Station yet. Besides, most of my friends (friends?) have been too busy with everything else to take time, too. Like I said I got one supervised field trip that was just for fun but only for a day. It was nice though. I'll figure something out, even if it's just getting a good night's sleep for once.
Funny. Most likely they're glad to be able to redirect their attentions to the more important things instead of whether I'm going to get myself killed or not. There's…a lot going on. Big things. Bad things. I found out I was kind of a hinderance to the bigger picture and so I'm stopping that.
I know, I know. I know you're right and I know these are my choices. They just told me I'm not good at making the right choices and that I'm not good at putting my ideas together without risking my neck which maybe that's true. I know that for every action there's an opposite reaction, but this place makes it a lot harder to predict what that reaction's gonna be.
She's not nearly as scary as the High Queen, to be honest. They're both scary, but…there are important things they've both said that make sense. I can't tell you what they are in case this letter falls in the wrong hands, but believe me on that. And I'm moving forward but I'm still making those "mistakes" by continuing this thing with Juliet. Like I said, bad but wonderful mistakes. I don't know what his breaking point is (or yours, for that matter.) That's a great thing to say and I believe that, but that doesn't solve the fact that we don't know what it'll take before the people on that side stop feeling the same way they did before.
Also shut up. …but he IS really smart. And just…really good.
I think I need to go back to the start and revert back to what I was. Scientist first, then a hero. I need to go back to collecting the data and start asking more questions about the world instead of trying to bite into as much as I can. What happens if I question the wrong thing at the wrong time and lose everybody though? What about then, Joshua?
Considering the fact that I'm not entirely good at being a decent friend, I'm not gonna answer that. …a friend of mine wasn't able to help another friend of ours because he was too busy chasing after me when I made a stupid mistake. I've broken the trust in some of my friends. Other friends have disappeared. What's heroic about that? Tell me that. I know what you're saying and I appreciate the thought…but if you're framing it that way? I think you're more heroic than I am right now. You're the only one who really knows any of this. The negative stuff. You're the only one who really knows because I know you're not going to be mad I'm bringing it up.
And it's more like it's what makes LIFE simultaneously invigorating and frustrating. But your suggestions are kind of also appreciated. Really.
Until then, I guess.
PS: it's all over my sheets. And my hair. Never. Again.
6/10, rune-sealed letter
Can't I just die normally? I don't want a fabulous death and I don't want a death by this stupid silver thing. Also that's a really gross comparison but it's not entirely wrong, I guess. …do I want to know how YOU contracted it? And I realize it but he's a little busy right now and probably won't contact you.
Point taken. Just. No more. I can't take it anymore. My brain's slowly leaking out of my ears.
I've never been that great at meditating. That was always more Tadashi's department and you know that playing hooky was kinda what got me in trouble in the first place. Disappearing, doing whatever I wanted just for me? Those were Bad Ideas. It's always been like that though whether it was bot-fighting or ghost-hunting. There were things I wanted to do for different reasons and they were things people disapproved of. I get what you're saying, but I'm not even allowed to go back to the Station yet. Besides, most of my friends (friends?) have been too busy with everything else to take time, too. Like I said I got one supervised field trip that was just for fun but only for a day. It was nice though. I'll figure something out, even if it's just getting a good night's sleep for once.
Funny. Most likely they're glad to be able to redirect their attentions to the more important things instead of whether I'm going to get myself killed or not. There's…a lot going on. Big things. Bad things. I found out I was kind of a hinderance to the bigger picture and so I'm stopping that.
I know, I know. I know you're right and I know these are my choices. They just told me I'm not good at making the right choices and that I'm not good at putting my ideas together without risking my neck which maybe that's true. I know that for every action there's an opposite reaction, but this place makes it a lot harder to predict what that reaction's gonna be.
She's not nearly as scary as the High Queen, to be honest. They're both scary, but…there are important things they've both said that make sense. I can't tell you what they are in case this letter falls in the wrong hands, but believe me on that. And I'm moving forward but I'm still making those "mistakes" by continuing this thing with Juliet. Like I said, bad but wonderful mistakes. I don't know what his breaking point is (or yours, for that matter.) That's a great thing to say and I believe that, but that doesn't solve the fact that we don't know what it'll take before the people on that side stop feeling the same way they did before.
Also shut up. …but he IS really smart. And just…really good.
I think I need to go back to the start and revert back to what I was. Scientist first, then a hero. I need to go back to collecting the data and start asking more questions about the world instead of trying to bite into as much as I can. What happens if I question the wrong thing at the wrong time and lose everybody though? What about then, Joshua?
Considering the fact that I'm not entirely good at being a decent friend, I'm not gonna answer that. …a friend of mine wasn't able to help another friend of ours because he was too busy chasing after me when I made a stupid mistake. I've broken the trust in some of my friends. Other friends have disappeared. What's heroic about that? Tell me that. I know what you're saying and I appreciate the thought…but if you're framing it that way? I think you're more heroic than I am right now. You're the only one who really knows any of this. The negative stuff. You're the only one who really knows because I know you're not going to be mad I'm bringing it up.
And it's more like it's what makes LIFE simultaneously invigorating and frustrating. But your suggestions are kind of also appreciated. Really.
Until then, I guess.
PS: it's all over my sheets. And my hair. Never. Again.