That's brave of you. Now, there's someone out there who knows your whole story, and apparently is still willing to stick by you to the bitter end.
['Cherish it,' goes unsaid. He doesn't really need to tell Hiro to do that as the teenager obviously does already.
Joshua raises his eyebrows, but otherwise doesn't look surprised. If anything, it's just confirmed that this war has more stakes in it than it originally appeared to have.]
And what do you think your side is fighting for? To save all but the Seelie Court? Or do you truly think that if the Unseelie Court wins, then everything is saved and life can go back to how it used to be?
[It's almost disconcerting how dispassionate he is as he asks all those questions.
Joshua actually sighs at the end of the romance spiel.]
Dear me, Hiro, you sound as if you're the only one who's had cross-court dealings of that sort. I'm sure there are others in the Unseelie side who can help and give you better advice than I can. However, there's something interesting about the Seelie side that I don't think you know about. One of our, hm, tenants I suppose you could say. [He looks incredibly amused, but there's a hint of irony in his expression.] 'Love conquers all.'
[Joshua folds his arms across the tabletop and leans forward slightly. His purple eyes meet Hiro's dark ones without wavering, and are more piercing now than they had been a moment ago.]
Do you think we choose the time people die? I hate to tell you, but we don't. That's not our job. Our job is to judge those souls who come into our realm, our version of the Underworld. We are not Death, Thanatos, the Grim Reaper, whatever you wish to call it. Very rarely, we even judge whether it would be prudent or wise to start the living world from scratch. [The kind of smile Joshua has on his face is more ironic.] Such as the story of Joshua, my sort-of namesake.
The point is, the judges gain nothing by doing this, Hiro. Absolutely nothing. The only ones who gain or lose are the souls who are judged. Perhaps there's some satisfaction to gain when the wicked get sent to their just reward for eternal damnation or when someone who's been good even through the darkest of times in their life can finally find peace in paradise, but there's nothing concrete.
[And still Joshua's eyes don't leave Hiro's. Now, for the heart of it.]
I took the time to learn everything I could about the Game, how the system worked, how everything was structured and how the hierarchy among the Reapers was organized. I learned about the Noise, the Players, the Pacts, the rules you had to follow if you joined the Reaper's Game. I learned about the Composer, how his job worked, how you could become the next one. I learned about the Conductor and how his job worked. After all of that, I formulated a plan and a few back-up plans, if I survived.
Then, I did my research on the myriad ways one could die. I knew exactly what I wanted. It had to be quiet, for one thing. It had to be a guaranteed death. Finally, it could not attract undue attention.
[He says all of this so calmly, so clinically that it's almost like he's a doctor telling a patient about a medical procedure. He's also remember the dream the harp had given him, both a reminder and a taunt of the choice he'd made.]
A gun wouldn't do. It would be loud, it's not always a guaranteed death, and it would be very suspicious if I purchased one and tried to sneak it into the house. A noose wouldn't do, either. Strangulation is, after all, a very long, very painful death, and there's always the chance that someone would hear and come looking out of curiosity or some other reason. Poison or overdosing on medication would be even worse, and I never even considered throwing myself off of a roof. So. I figured that the best way would be to bleed out. It was quiet, though admittedly messy, but it was the best option. All I needed to know was where exactly to cut, and that was easy enough to find out. It's amazing what you can find out in a medical textbook rented out of a local library.
The scar is no longer there, of course. It disappeared the moment I entered the Game.
[He pauses only long enough to let all of that information sink in before continuing on as he has been.]
So. To answer your question, yes. It was very much the way I was supposed to go because that was what I chose. I have no regrets on that decision.
TW: Suicide
['Cherish it,' goes unsaid. He doesn't really need to tell Hiro to do that as the teenager obviously does already.
Joshua raises his eyebrows, but otherwise doesn't look surprised. If anything, it's just confirmed that this war has more stakes in it than it originally appeared to have.]
And what do you think your side is fighting for? To save all but the Seelie Court? Or do you truly think that if the Unseelie Court wins, then everything is saved and life can go back to how it used to be?
[It's almost disconcerting how dispassionate he is as he asks all those questions.
Joshua actually sighs at the end of the romance spiel.]
Dear me, Hiro, you sound as if you're the only one who's had cross-court dealings of that sort. I'm sure there are others in the Unseelie side who can help and give you better advice than I can. However, there's something interesting about the Seelie side that I don't think you know about. One of our, hm, tenants I suppose you could say. [He looks incredibly amused, but there's a hint of irony in his expression.] 'Love conquers all.'
[Joshua folds his arms across the tabletop and leans forward slightly. His purple eyes meet Hiro's dark ones without wavering, and are more piercing now than they had been a moment ago.]
Do you think we choose the time people die? I hate to tell you, but we don't. That's not our job. Our job is to judge those souls who come into our realm, our version of the Underworld. We are not Death, Thanatos, the Grim Reaper, whatever you wish to call it. Very rarely, we even judge whether it would be prudent or wise to start the living world from scratch. [The kind of smile Joshua has on his face is more ironic.] Such as the story of Joshua, my sort-of namesake.
The point is, the judges gain nothing by doing this, Hiro. Absolutely nothing. The only ones who gain or lose are the souls who are judged. Perhaps there's some satisfaction to gain when the wicked get sent to their just reward for eternal damnation or when someone who's been good even through the darkest of times in their life can finally find peace in paradise, but there's nothing concrete.
[And still Joshua's eyes don't leave Hiro's. Now, for the heart of it.]
I took the time to learn everything I could about the Game, how the system worked, how everything was structured and how the hierarchy among the Reapers was organized. I learned about the Noise, the Players, the Pacts, the rules you had to follow if you joined the Reaper's Game. I learned about the Composer, how his job worked, how you could become the next one. I learned about the Conductor and how his job worked. After all of that, I formulated a plan and a few back-up plans, if I survived.
Then, I did my research on the myriad ways one could die. I knew exactly what I wanted. It had to be quiet, for one thing. It had to be a guaranteed death. Finally, it could not attract undue attention.
[He says all of this so calmly, so clinically that it's almost like he's a doctor telling a patient about a medical procedure. He's also remember the dream the harp had given him, both a reminder and a taunt of the choice he'd made.]
A gun wouldn't do. It would be loud, it's not always a guaranteed death, and it would be very suspicious if I purchased one and tried to sneak it into the house. A noose wouldn't do, either. Strangulation is, after all, a very long, very painful death, and there's always the chance that someone would hear and come looking out of curiosity or some other reason. Poison or overdosing on medication would be even worse, and I never even considered throwing myself off of a roof. So. I figured that the best way would be to bleed out. It was quiet, though admittedly messy, but it was the best option. All I needed to know was where exactly to cut, and that was easy enough to find out. It's amazing what you can find out in a medical textbook rented out of a local library.
The scar is no longer there, of course. It disappeared the moment I entered the Game.
[He pauses only long enough to let all of that information sink in before continuing on as he has been.]
So. To answer your question, yes. It was very much the way I was supposed to go because that was what I chose. I have no regrets on that decision.