[Ignore him. Ignore the tiny twitch of his lips as he fights a grin because…stupid heroes. Stupid demigods. He fights it off of his face and rewards Joshua with the most neutral expression that it's almost unnatural.] Yeah, I guess so. We've talked about that, too. The hero thing. […a sigh.] I told him everything.
[Joshua you're still a dick. And Hiro just fixes him with a very, very firm look.]
They want to destroy everything. Did you know that? Did you know that your side's fighting for the end of all of the worlds? [He's hoping he'll wipe the smug look off of Joshua's face, but it's evident that even in speaking about it he's sort of scared of the possibility.]
Morla's…I don't know anything about our king, but I learned a lot about Morla recently even if I've never met her. It's the same for us though. It's supposedly unlike them to just disappear and that's what doesn't make sense. They can't just go into hiding because something bigger's coming, that's insane. It's totally insane! What are we supposed to do if we don't know what they're afraid of? We don't know if they're going to start bringing in new Shardbearers anytime soon, but there's plenty of rumors about the ones that are around being killed.
[There's a cringe at that though. Romantic love. Love in general. Promises. Stupid bullshit words that he has a hard time choking down and he finally sits up, leaning his elbows on the table and wrapping his hands around the back of his neck. There's a very deep, unsteady breath before he finally starts to talk.]
I can't let it be anything remotely romantic but…I've calculated it over and over again. Nothing else makes sense. Nothing else adds up and I don't know if that's really it because I've never--people aren't supposed to feel so much for other people. I'm not supposed to feel this much for another person, especially not this. I don't want it. I can't want it, doesn't anybody get that? Doesn't anybody get how bad it'd be? I can't let something like love get in the way when I could end up having to kill him and I don't know which is scarier. Both? I don't want to be this close with the idea that I could end up destroying it and losing somebody else, too. It's just worse because as long as he's Seelie it's pretty inevitable.
[You totally wanted this, didn't you, Joshua? His response about death doesn't help, either.]
Oh shut up, Joshua! [He looks up from the tabletop and it's hard to say if he's angry or upset or what the hell is going on here.] I don't care if you think it's equal ground and I don't care about "judging fairly" because it's still not fair! It's justification for a stupid system that's rigged to benefit the Judges instead of thinking about the people that lost their lives before they were supposed to!
I don't believe you. [Hiro, stop.] I don't believe it was really your choice. There are too many other factors that played against you to make it a real choice. There's a difference between knowing the risk and actually going through with something and you know what I think? You really wanna know what I think? I don't think either of you knew what the consequences really would be by taking that risk, just like I never would have thought these would be the consequences for fall--[Whoa, whoa, fucking whoa.]--following Nico's path.
And it's too late to go backwards. It's too late for you, it's too late for Tadashi, and it's too late for me and I don't know if this is what I was supposed to do. Do you really think the way you died was the way you were supposed to go?
[…wow. He looks stunned by all of the words and emotions that just sort of came tumbling out of his mouth and he goes quiet then.]
Look at me. Look at me with a straight face and tell me you really, honestly believe that.
no subject
[Joshua you're still a dick. And Hiro just fixes him with a very, very firm look.]
They want to destroy everything. Did you know that? Did you know that your side's fighting for the end of all of the worlds? [He's hoping he'll wipe the smug look off of Joshua's face, but it's evident that even in speaking about it he's sort of scared of the possibility.]
Morla's…I don't know anything about our king, but I learned a lot about Morla recently even if I've never met her. It's the same for us though. It's supposedly unlike them to just disappear and that's what doesn't make sense. They can't just go into hiding because something bigger's coming, that's insane. It's totally insane! What are we supposed to do if we don't know what they're afraid of? We don't know if they're going to start bringing in new Shardbearers anytime soon, but there's plenty of rumors about the ones that are around being killed.
[There's a cringe at that though. Romantic love. Love in general. Promises. Stupid bullshit words that he has a hard time choking down and he finally sits up, leaning his elbows on the table and wrapping his hands around the back of his neck. There's a very deep, unsteady breath before he finally starts to talk.]
I can't let it be anything remotely romantic but…I've calculated it over and over again. Nothing else makes sense. Nothing else adds up and I don't know if that's really it because I've never--people aren't supposed to feel so much for other people. I'm not supposed to feel this much for another person, especially not this. I don't want it. I can't want it, doesn't anybody get that? Doesn't anybody get how bad it'd be? I can't let something like love get in the way when I could end up having to kill him and I don't know which is scarier. Both? I don't want to be this close with the idea that I could end up destroying it and losing somebody else, too. It's just worse because as long as he's Seelie it's pretty inevitable.
[You totally wanted this, didn't you, Joshua? His response about death doesn't help, either.]
Oh shut up, Joshua! [He looks up from the tabletop and it's hard to say if he's angry or upset or what the hell is going on here.] I don't care if you think it's equal ground and I don't care about "judging fairly" because it's still not fair! It's justification for a stupid system that's rigged to benefit the Judges instead of thinking about the people that lost their lives before they were supposed to!
I don't believe you. [Hiro, stop.] I don't believe it was really your choice. There are too many other factors that played against you to make it a real choice. There's a difference between knowing the risk and actually going through with something and you know what I think? You really wanna know what I think? I don't think either of you knew what the consequences really would be by taking that risk, just like I never would have thought these would be the consequences for fall--[Whoa, whoa, fucking whoa.]--following Nico's path.
And it's too late to go backwards. It's too late for you, it's too late for Tadashi, and it's too late for me and I don't know if this is what I was supposed to do. Do you really think the way you died was the way you were supposed to go?
[…wow. He looks stunned by all of the words and emotions that just sort of came tumbling out of his mouth and he goes quiet then.]
Look at me. Look at me with a straight face and tell me you really, honestly believe that.