I told you. I tried to do everything by myself. [Which is the Hamada way of saying that Joshua's absolutely right and his timing completely sucks. He never bothers asking for help here until it's almost too late, something he's been scolded about by multiple people.] Maybe I shouldn't have made that promise but I wanted him off my back a little. I wanted to be able to have him trust me and instead ended up breaking his trust because I wandered off.
...sometimes I think that Jason's like Tadashi, but he's not. Nobody can ever be Tadashi and I shouldn't be holding Jason to those standards because it's not fair to me but it's also not fair to him. I tried to tell him that he couldn't risk a bunch of stuff just to protect me but...that's something I'd tell my brother. Not somebody who's smart enough to do things more carefully and not somebody who wouldn't think things through more carefully before doing something fatal like run into a burning building based on hearsay.
[No more Tadashi. Don't let on how much you still miss Tadashi, Hiro.] Anyway guardian or not I probably could have asked him sooner than this instead of just doing it without saying so thinking I wouldn't get caught. This isn't home. Tadashi always knew where I was because he sewed trackers into my jackets but Jason only knows what I've told him. Loki knew because he was tracking me but he never told Jason.
I...that's not why I said no though. [And he knows Joshua knows that but it's still sort of a problem.] Shuck never really said we couldn't have outside help but I couldn't have Jason risking himself doing this, too. Besides, it was a task for me and Nico. Nobody else. Nobody else needed to get in the middle and it's not about not trusting Jason it's just that I had to do this myself. [And also he didn't want him around for that period because he had a feeling he'd fail a few times and Jason would only be proven right.] So I would have said yes and...what? Jason hauls me back home the minute I show him I wasn't ready for it? No way.
[Here he looks rather put-out because Joshua's right. He can't let his relationship with Jason take another hit. Not like this. He doesn't even know if Jason's really giving him another chance or how long that offer stands.] So how can I do that without ditching my other friends? By going home again it's kinda like telling Nico he's not important, but by staying with Nico it's kinda like telling Jason I don't actually care. Maybe everything was easier when I was operating by myself. I can't lose either of them though.
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...sometimes I think that Jason's like Tadashi, but he's not. Nobody can ever be Tadashi and I shouldn't be holding Jason to those standards because it's not fair to me but it's also not fair to him. I tried to tell him that he couldn't risk a bunch of stuff just to protect me but...that's something I'd tell my brother. Not somebody who's smart enough to do things more carefully and not somebody who wouldn't think things through more carefully before doing something fatal like run into a burning building based on hearsay.
[No more Tadashi. Don't let on how much you still miss Tadashi, Hiro.] Anyway guardian or not I probably could have asked him sooner than this instead of just doing it without saying so thinking I wouldn't get caught. This isn't home. Tadashi always knew where I was because he sewed trackers into my jackets but Jason only knows what I've told him. Loki knew because he was tracking me but he never told Jason.
I...that's not why I said no though. [And he knows Joshua knows that but it's still sort of a problem.] Shuck never really said we couldn't have outside help but I couldn't have Jason risking himself doing this, too. Besides, it was a task for me and Nico. Nobody else. Nobody else needed to get in the middle and it's not about not trusting Jason it's just that I had to do this myself. [And also he didn't want him around for that period because he had a feeling he'd fail a few times and Jason would only be proven right.] So I would have said yes and...what? Jason hauls me back home the minute I show him I wasn't ready for it? No way.
[Here he looks rather put-out because Joshua's right. He can't let his relationship with Jason take another hit. Not like this. He doesn't even know if Jason's really giving him another chance or how long that offer stands.] So how can I do that without ditching my other friends? By going home again it's kinda like telling Nico he's not important, but by staying with Nico it's kinda like telling Jason I don't actually care. Maybe everything was easier when I was operating by myself. I can't lose either of them though.