[Ahaha oh god. Ohhhh man, okay. This is going to be fun. He stares blankly at Joshua for a brief moment before he sinks lower in his chair, staring at his feet instead of Joshua's face.]
Okay. Let's start in...February, I guess. When we first got here. ["We" because he knows Josh arrived the same time he did.] You know how the whole battle happened and we were all kind of screwed...mostly us. [Seelie...] And I know you know about the locket post I made at the end of the month.
...you weren't the only Seelie to comment. You weren't even the only Seelie to comment that I talked to for a really long time. There were a few of them, actually, but there was somebody in particular that sort of really made me stop and think about things. We're the same age and we've had a lot of the same experiences, and we both...kind of just get it. I only talked to him that one time and then everything went down in May and I lost contact with pretty much everybody.
You heard about the tournament in Treun, right? [Wait, hold on.] Let me back up a second. So...you remember everything in April and everything we talked about. In May I went to find somebody really important to me...his name's Jason. He's probably--no, actually? He is the most important person to me here and I basically did something really stupid just to try to find him. And that stupid thing made him really mad and we kinda fought a lot when I did find him and he hit on a lot of the same points you did. I can't handle everything by myself. But you guys didn't really think I wouldn't try, did you? [There's a pause.] Thinking about it now, I sort of wish I didn't try. But basically? I promised Jason I'd stay back and stop trying to do everything and stay where I was to stay safe, basically. And I wish I hadn't promised him that because I broke that promise pretty much a month later. ["And I actually feel really, really bad about it."]
Anyway so the tournament was in June and that was the first time I broke my promise to Jason. I hitched a ride out there, set up a betting pool, watched my friends fight..it was fine. Everything was fine until the natives got mad I was cheating them out of their gold and so I ran. I ended up running and it's funny...it's almost like this was pre-written destiny or something, if you believe in that kind of thing. I don’t think I do. I would rather choose my own destiny than have it pre-written but anyway, I ran into that Seelie I told you about. The one who understood things. He was a fighter in the Melee but I think we both sort of recognized each other immediately.
…his name’s Nico. And he’s somehow gone from being “zombie controller who helped attack our castle and my friends” to “guy who knows exactly what it’s like to be me on some days” to “someone I want to spend more time with willingly and force him to watch Disney movies” to “one of the better friends I’ve ever had in my life.” And you know what? I’m kind of scared of that still. Anyway so I ran into Nico and he shadow-traveled us out into hiding and we hung out for a while and I didn’t die. That’s the point. Let’s cut to August when I got back from a trip up north…Nico found me at the Station and asked if I wanted to go to Leathann to see the festival of lights. That’s the second time I broke my promise to Jason. I disappeared with Nico for a week.
Right after my birthday I saw Nico again and he gave me something so we could stay in touch. It’s kind of personal and I don’t know how many people know about it but we’ve been using it to communicate. It’s different than the network I set up for my friends and I. This just seems…safer? I guess? Anyway so one time we were talking and he told me about the Black Shuck and he never really specified everything but he said he had to apologize for something. And…it’s big. And when you do big things, you shouldn’t have to do them alone. So I told him I’d come with him. I made another promise that I’d stick with him no matter what Shuck did so we made a plan to see him during Samhain. …that’s the second time I wonder if I should have ever promised anything.
So I don’t see Nico for several months but I’m spending time with my own friends learning things…someone taught me how to fight with a dagger. Jason was teaching me physical combat. And I was doing a ton of reading and researching on my own. So at Samhain we meet up and we go see Shuck. He wasn’t mad. He was just disappointed…and so to make up for it, he decided to send Nico on a mission for him. Problem with that is that he sent me, too. And like I said, I promised Nico that I’d stick around for everything because that’s what you do for friends.
[Screw it, you know what, he’s just going to shift in his chair so that he’s sitting sideways with his legs dangling over one arm and his head and upper back resting against another so he can stare at the ceiling.]
Nico was pretty sold on telling me I couldn’t come with him. It was too dangerous and I didn’t know anything about taking down the dead and he didn’t want me risking it because he wasn’t sure he could keep both of us safe. So…we ended up running into another friend of mine. Name’s Loki. Yeah, that Loki. I’m not as clever as I thought I guess because Loki’s been tracking me for months and knew where I was going when I’d leave to see Nico. So Nico opens his fat mouth and tells Loki pretty much everything about what the Shuck is having us do and Loki agrees with me that it’s better not to piss Shuck off. Which is true.
Nico gets started without me and Loki and I sort of argue about it. I think the point was, and I quote, “this is the stupidest thing I’ve ever done.” And…maybe he’s right. Maybe this was stupid but I couldn’t bail. I also couldn’t let Loki tell Jason before I told Jason because Jason would get mad so I promised Loki I’d tell him soon.
Broken promise number three. [There’s a thick swallow as he clears his throat. It’s obvious he’s not used to laying it out like this and it’s also clear that he’s starting to hit the bigger part of the story.] …around Yule, Nico sends me a present and one of the things is a dagger. One thing kinda led to another and I basically bullied him into taking me with him after Yule to start fulfilling Shuck’s task. Nico’s like “I’m going to train you really hard” and blahblahblah and tells me about his powers and just…[He bites his lip.] …he trusts me. Nico doesn’t trust a lot of people, but he trusts me. [“And I trust him. That’s the problem.”] Since we were leaving I knew I had to tell Jason…so I called Jason and tried to explain everything. You can imagine how that went. He was really mad that I was going to do this, really mad that Nico’s a Seelie and mostly really mad that I wasn’t listening to him. I never listen to him. But then he asked if I was ready to join Tadashi and I just sort of lost it and hung up on him and left…and Jason broke the device I gave him so I lost contact with him for months.
January was spent traveling with Nico alone and being trained. He kinda kicked my ass a lot and I think he probably enjoyed it because he’s kind of a jerk sometimes, too. But I can’t say the same wouldn’t be true if it was the other way around. He’s a good teacher though. I could probably flay somebody open without blinking now. [You know, as long as they’re dead. Or something. Ahaha let’s not try to murder people.] Anyway we traveled and Nico did his ghost thing and I was helping catch some of the others in jars until we could lay them to rest like Shuck asked and then around February we realized I needed to figure out how to do this myself. We can’t always be together…so I split and headed for Redgate with my friend Billy. And…Billy and I kinda talked about stuff, and Billy’s from the same world as Loki so we went to see Loki in Redgate because he’s a professor there and so I talked to Loki about some stuff that’s not really important and got information I needed and then I heard rumors about a woman in Mair. So…that’s where I went next. She taught me a lot, too. And after that? Nico picked me up and we were back to where we started, but this time I was a lot more useful. You know me. I like learning things and trying to take on everything myself but…Nico and I are a really, really good team.
The whole month of March was just spent with the two of us being ghostbusters or whatever and a few weeks ago at the end of it we came here to restock and just regroup. Let’s go back to the idea of pre-written destiny. Jason showed up. He…wasn’t really happy. [That’s an understatement.] …making a long story short? He basically told Nico that I was just using him and that the monarchs were going to kill him. Nico tried to explain but like…when Jason’s mad, he doesn’t listen to reason. And I can’t really say I was rational about it either, so…[A shrug.] He left.
[There’s a slight sniff because that’s probably the most recent.] Jason flipped out, left, and I chased after him on Nico’s hellhound and I tried to apologize but it wasn’t working because…because I was still blaming my problems on Jason instead, I guess. [That’s really what it was.] He says he’s going to turn me into Morla but right now? I don’t know if it matters. I don’t know if any of it matters because I have to finish this and I already lost Jason anyway. …well, sort of. I mean he told me how I could fix everything and try again but it means going home.
[He finally turns his head to look at Joshua again.] I haven’t been “home” since the end of Yule because I can’t leave Nico and I don’t know why. I don’t know how to get rid of the target on my back, I don’t know how to fulfill the task and get everybody to just chill out and how to apologize and how to fix it. That’s it. I don’t know how to fix this one. So…it sucks. I really, really wanted to show you that things had changed since last year but I think I just made everything worse and nothing makes sense anymore.
[“And I feel awful about it.” He finally stops though. That…it’s most of everything, barring some details he’s sure Joshua will worm out of him when he starts picking apart the story, but it’s definitely enough to be a drain on him and he just drops his eyes back to the floor. Now comes the hard part. The waiting. Waiting for Joshua to say something and waiting for the results.]
Kinda makes you wish you still didn’t know anything, huh?
no subject
Okay. Let's start in...February, I guess. When we first got here. ["We" because he knows Josh arrived the same time he did.] You know how the whole battle happened and we were all kind of screwed...mostly us. [Seelie...] And I know you know about the locket post I made at the end of the month.
...you weren't the only Seelie to comment. You weren't even the only Seelie to comment that I talked to for a really long time. There were a few of them, actually, but there was somebody in particular that sort of really made me stop and think about things. We're the same age and we've had a lot of the same experiences, and we both...kind of just get it. I only talked to him that one time and then everything went down in May and I lost contact with pretty much everybody.
You heard about the tournament in Treun, right? [Wait, hold on.] Let me back up a second. So...you remember everything in April and everything we talked about. In May I went to find somebody really important to me...his name's Jason. He's probably--no, actually? He is the most important person to me here and I basically did something really stupid just to try to find him. And that stupid thing made him really mad and we kinda fought a lot when I did find him and he hit on a lot of the same points you did. I can't handle everything by myself. But you guys didn't really think I wouldn't try, did you? [There's a pause.] Thinking about it now, I sort of wish I didn't try. But basically? I promised Jason I'd stay back and stop trying to do everything and stay where I was to stay safe, basically. And I wish I hadn't promised him that because I broke that promise pretty much a month later. ["And I actually feel really, really bad about it."]
Anyway so the tournament was in June and that was the first time I broke my promise to Jason. I hitched a ride out there, set up a betting pool, watched my friends fight..it was fine. Everything was fine until the natives got mad I was cheating them out of their gold and so I ran. I ended up running and it's funny...it's almost like this was pre-written destiny or something, if you believe in that kind of thing. I don’t think I do. I would rather choose my own destiny than have it pre-written but anyway, I ran into that Seelie I told you about. The one who understood things. He was a fighter in the Melee but I think we both sort of recognized each other immediately.
…his name’s Nico. And he’s somehow gone from being “zombie controller who helped attack our castle and my friends” to “guy who knows exactly what it’s like to be me on some days” to “someone I want to spend more time with willingly and force him to watch Disney movies” to “one of the better friends I’ve ever had in my life.” And you know what? I’m kind of scared of that still. Anyway so I ran into Nico and he shadow-traveled us out into hiding and we hung out for a while and I didn’t die. That’s the point. Let’s cut to August when I got back from a trip up north…Nico found me at the Station and asked if I wanted to go to Leathann to see the festival of lights. That’s the second time I broke my promise to Jason. I disappeared with Nico for a week.
Right after my birthday I saw Nico again and he gave me something so we could stay in touch. It’s kind of personal and I don’t know how many people know about it but we’ve been using it to communicate. It’s different than the network I set up for my friends and I. This just seems…safer? I guess? Anyway so one time we were talking and he told me about the Black Shuck and he never really specified everything but he said he had to apologize for something. And…it’s big. And when you do big things, you shouldn’t have to do them alone. So I told him I’d come with him. I made another promise that I’d stick with him no matter what Shuck did so we made a plan to see him during Samhain. …that’s the second time I wonder if I should have ever promised anything.
So I don’t see Nico for several months but I’m spending time with my own friends learning things…someone taught me how to fight with a dagger. Jason was teaching me physical combat. And I was doing a ton of reading and researching on my own. So at Samhain we meet up and we go see Shuck. He wasn’t mad. He was just disappointed…and so to make up for it, he decided to send Nico on a mission for him. Problem with that is that he sent me, too. And like I said, I promised Nico that I’d stick around for everything because that’s what you do for friends.
[Screw it, you know what, he’s just going to shift in his chair so that he’s sitting sideways with his legs dangling over one arm and his head and upper back resting against another so he can stare at the ceiling.]
Nico was pretty sold on telling me I couldn’t come with him. It was too dangerous and I didn’t know anything about taking down the dead and he didn’t want me risking it because he wasn’t sure he could keep both of us safe. So…we ended up running into another friend of mine. Name’s Loki. Yeah, that Loki. I’m not as clever as I thought I guess because Loki’s been tracking me for months and knew where I was going when I’d leave to see Nico. So Nico opens his fat mouth and tells Loki pretty much everything about what the Shuck is having us do and Loki agrees with me that it’s better not to piss Shuck off. Which is true.
Nico gets started without me and Loki and I sort of argue about it. I think the point was, and I quote, “this is the stupidest thing I’ve ever done.” And…maybe he’s right. Maybe this was stupid but I couldn’t bail. I also couldn’t let Loki tell Jason before I told Jason because Jason would get mad so I promised Loki I’d tell him soon.
Broken promise number three. [There’s a thick swallow as he clears his throat. It’s obvious he’s not used to laying it out like this and it’s also clear that he’s starting to hit the bigger part of the story.] …around Yule, Nico sends me a present and one of the things is a dagger. One thing kinda led to another and I basically bullied him into taking me with him after Yule to start fulfilling Shuck’s task. Nico’s like “I’m going to train you really hard” and blahblahblah and tells me about his powers and just…[He bites his lip.] …he trusts me. Nico doesn’t trust a lot of people, but he trusts me. [“And I trust him. That’s the problem.”] Since we were leaving I knew I had to tell Jason…so I called Jason and tried to explain everything. You can imagine how that went. He was really mad that I was going to do this, really mad that Nico’s a Seelie and mostly really mad that I wasn’t listening to him. I never listen to him. But then he asked if I was ready to join Tadashi and I just sort of lost it and hung up on him and left…and Jason broke the device I gave him so I lost contact with him for months.
January was spent traveling with Nico alone and being trained. He kinda kicked my ass a lot and I think he probably enjoyed it because he’s kind of a jerk sometimes, too. But I can’t say the same wouldn’t be true if it was the other way around. He’s a good teacher though. I could probably flay somebody open without blinking now. [You know, as long as they’re dead. Or something. Ahaha let’s not try to murder people.] Anyway we traveled and Nico did his ghost thing and I was helping catch some of the others in jars until we could lay them to rest like Shuck asked and then around February we realized I needed to figure out how to do this myself. We can’t always be together…so I split and headed for Redgate with my friend Billy. And…Billy and I kinda talked about stuff, and Billy’s from the same world as Loki so we went to see Loki in Redgate because he’s a professor there and so I talked to Loki about some stuff that’s not really important and got information I needed and then I heard rumors about a woman in Mair. So…that’s where I went next. She taught me a lot, too. And after that? Nico picked me up and we were back to where we started, but this time I was a lot more useful. You know me. I like learning things and trying to take on everything myself but…Nico and I are a really, really good team.
The whole month of March was just spent with the two of us being ghostbusters or whatever and a few weeks ago at the end of it we came here to restock and just regroup. Let’s go back to the idea of pre-written destiny. Jason showed up. He…wasn’t really happy. [That’s an understatement.] …making a long story short? He basically told Nico that I was just using him and that the monarchs were going to kill him. Nico tried to explain but like…when Jason’s mad, he doesn’t listen to reason. And I can’t really say I was rational about it either, so…[A shrug.] He left.
[There’s a slight sniff because that’s probably the most recent.] Jason flipped out, left, and I chased after him on Nico’s hellhound and I tried to apologize but it wasn’t working because…because I was still blaming my problems on Jason instead, I guess. [That’s really what it was.] He says he’s going to turn me into Morla but right now? I don’t know if it matters. I don’t know if any of it matters because I have to finish this and I already lost Jason anyway. …well, sort of. I mean he told me how I could fix everything and try again but it means going home.
[He finally turns his head to look at Joshua again.] I haven’t been “home” since the end of Yule because I can’t leave Nico and I don’t know why. I don’t know how to get rid of the target on my back, I don’t know how to fulfill the task and get everybody to just chill out and how to apologize and how to fix it. That’s it. I don’t know how to fix this one. So…it sucks. I really, really wanted to show you that things had changed since last year but I think I just made everything worse and nothing makes sense anymore.
[“And I feel awful about it.” He finally stops though. That…it’s most of everything, barring some details he’s sure Joshua will worm out of him when he starts picking apart the story, but it’s definitely enough to be a drain on him and he just drops his eyes back to the floor. Now comes the hard part. The waiting. Waiting for Joshua to say something and waiting for the results.]
Kinda makes you wish you still didn’t know anything, huh?