[Stuffed in an envelope sealed with runes preventing anyone not Joshua from opening it is a letter. It's written in the boy's native language as well, just as a precaution.]
I was going to start this formally like a real letter. Y'know, like "Dear Joshua" or something…and then I remembered that this letter's for YOU of all people and that maybe the formality would just make you laugh yourself stupid.
Guess that'd be an improvement from everything else though.
It's…stupid. It's stupid that I'm a little scared that this letter's going to come back with a giant "RETURN TO SENDER" notice scrawled across the front and that maybe you were torn apart in the last attack at the Citadel. And don't lie to me and say you weren't there. I know better than that. Just please don't be dead.
Well. MORE dead.
…this would be so much easier if I could actually talk to you but I kinda don't have the necklace anymore. Um. It was taken from me? Not by one of your guys! And not by anybody who's gonna get really mad and turn us in or anything, I trust him. He did it so I wouldn't get busted but I never told him you have the other one. But, uh, just…don't try to use it? Please? That's seriously the last thing that needs to happen.
Whoo. Okay. I don't know how to really…I'm just gonna talk, okay? I'm gonna talk, you're gonna listen and then we're gonna burn this letter and pretend it never happened.
It's been a little over two months since the last time I saw you and the last time I talked to you. Things changed again. A lot of things changed again. The royal audience changed me. People have changed me. I changed me.
I'm not upgradable like a robot. I can't just swap out the parts I don't want and rewrite my own programming. I can't shut things down and disable pieces of myself like I want, but sometimes I wish I could. Sometimes I wish it were that easy because then this wouldn't be so confusing and I wouldn't have so many questions about this world.
Ugh. This is so dumb…
…first thing's first. Surprise! I'm grounded! It's the most basic way I can describe it. I'm benched. Shackled. On house arrest. People are tracking me and people have threatened to turn me into our monarchs if I don't stop. So I have. I haven't left Dorchadas for the last month except for one chaperoned field trip a few days ago. I've barely left the castle since then either. And in a way maybe that's for the best.
…I've thought a lot about what you said to me a while ago. What you said about how even if I'm not on the field I'm still making things that will make me inadvertently responsible for death and how I won't know how to make choices until I'm absolutely forced to face them. And it's true. I won't know. I've…made some mistakes. Wonderful mistakes, but mistakes.
Second thing. I told him. I told him everything and now we're dating, whatever that means. There are several other issues with that and I'm not divulging those to you since I'm PRETTY sure you'll just make fun of me (again) but…it's bad. I don't know how I'm supposed to keep people safe when it's two opposing goals. The natural cycle of rebirth versus saving the worlds.
Is anybody actually right? People say that each side is bad, and other people say that neutrality's the way to go but I don't know what I believe anymore.
But I can't tell anybody that. It's kind of funny, actually, because I've been here for over a year and I still don't really know what to do or how to save the world. Some superhero, huh? Can't even take care of himself.
I think…you may be the only person who really knows how messed up I am everything is. I'm used to fixing everything. I can't fix this. I'm trying but I've broken way too much to fix it easily. I don't know why I'm telling you this. Maybe because I tell you most things anyway. I know you get some kind of amusement out of it.
This isn't as liberating as it usually is. Maybe because we're not drinking tea or maybe because you're not talking back and I just have to keep rereading what I'm writing. Usually when we talk, I can never take back the things I say. If you're reading this…I trust you. It's kind of a big deal. Please don't make me regret that?
I never used to really believe in angels. Or gods. Or anything like that. Tadashi used to tell me that Mom and Dad were still with us and watching us from heaven and I'm not sure when I stopped really believing him. And people say that Tadashi's now watching me, too. I don't know about that either. I don't know if I want him to because this isn't what I would want him to see. But the point is that I'm not really expecting an answer from you. I've talked to empty space and people I can't see before.
Anyway it's in a rune-sealed envelope so nobody else can open it. If it falls into the wrong hands then it should still be safe and even if they break it, good luck reading something not written in Drabbish. Uh. If you got through all of that, sorry if anything's weird. My Japanese is a little rusty and I can't move my hands very well now.
Whatever. This was a stupid idea. You better be alive though or I'm going to be really, really mad.
Maybe I'll see you soon…every six months, right? We'll see.
6/10, rune-sealed letter
I was going to start this formally like a real letter. Y'know, like "Dear Joshua" or something…and then I remembered that this letter's for YOU of all people and that maybe the formality would just make you laugh yourself stupid.
Guess that'd be an improvement from everything else though.
It's…stupid. It's stupid that I'm a little scared that this letter's going to come back with a giant "RETURN TO SENDER" notice scrawled across the front and that maybe you were torn apart in the last attack at the Citadel. And don't lie to me and say you weren't there. I know better than that. Just please don't be dead.
Well. MORE dead.
…this would be so much easier if I could actually talk to you but I kinda don't have the necklace anymore. Um. It was taken from me? Not by one of your guys! And not by anybody who's gonna get really mad and turn us in or anything, I trust him. He did it so I wouldn't get busted but I never told him you have the other one. But, uh, just…don't try to use it? Please? That's seriously the last thing that needs to happen.
Whoo. Okay. I don't know how to really…I'm just gonna talk, okay? I'm gonna talk, you're gonna listen and then we're gonna burn this letter and pretend it never happened.
It's been a little over two months since the last time I saw you and the last time I talked to you. Things changed again. A lot of things changed again. The royal audience changed me. People have changed me. I changed me.
I'm not upgradable like a robot. I can't just swap out the parts I don't want and rewrite my own programming. I can't shut things down and disable pieces of myself like I want, but sometimes I wish I could. Sometimes I wish it were that easy because then this wouldn't be so confusing and I wouldn't have so many questions about this world.
Ugh. This is so dumb…
…first thing's first. Surprise! I'm grounded! It's the most basic way I can describe it. I'm benched. Shackled. On house arrest. People are tracking me and people have threatened to turn me into our monarchs if I don't stop. So I have. I haven't left Dorchadas for the last month except for one chaperoned field trip a few days ago. I've barely left the castle since then either. And in a way maybe that's for the best.
…I've thought a lot about what you said to me a while ago. What you said about how even if I'm not on the field I'm still making things that will make me inadvertently responsible for death and how I won't know how to make choices until I'm absolutely forced to face them. And it's true. I won't know. I've…made some mistakes. Wonderful mistakes, but mistakes.
Second thing. I told him. I told him everything and now we're dating, whatever that means. There are several other issues with that and I'm not divulging those to you since I'm PRETTY sure you'll just make fun of me (again) but…it's bad. I don't know how I'm supposed to keep people safe when it's two opposing goals. The natural cycle of rebirth versus saving the worlds.
Is anybody actually right? People say that each side is bad, and other people say that neutrality's the way to go but I don't know what I believe anymore.
But I can't tell anybody that. It's kind of funny, actually, because I've been here for over a year and I still don't really know what to do or how to save the world. Some superhero, huh? Can't even take care of himself.
I think…you may be the only person who really knows how messed up
I ameverything is. I'm used to fixing everything. I can't fix this. I'm trying but I've broken way too much to fix it easily. I don't know why I'm telling you this. Maybe because I tell you most things anyway. I know you get some kind of amusement out of it.This isn't as liberating as it usually is. Maybe because we're not drinking tea or maybe because you're not talking back and I just have to keep rereading what I'm writing. Usually when we talk, I can never take back the things I say. If you're reading this…I trust you. It's kind of a big deal. Please don't make me regret that?
I never used to really believe in angels. Or gods. Or anything like that. Tadashi used to tell me that Mom and Dad were still with us and watching us from heaven and I'm not sure when I stopped really believing him. And people say that Tadashi's now watching me, too. I don't know about that either.
I don't know if I want him to because this isn't what I would want him to see.But the point is that I'm not really expecting an answer from you. I've talked to empty space and people I can't see before.Anyway it's in a rune-sealed envelope so nobody else can open it. If it falls into the wrong hands then it should still be safe and even if they break it, good luck reading something not written in Drabbish. Uh. If you got through all of that, sorry if anything's weird. My Japanese is a little rusty and I can't move my hands very well now.
Whatever. This was a stupid idea. You better be alive though or I'm going to be really, really mad.
Maybe I'll see you soon…every six months, right? We'll see.
-H. H.